Let's start with some basics: hair, face, and skin

It usually helps to have long hair, although this is not a requirement. If you have short hair, you can make it look just as spooky. There is no wrong way to make hair look spooky, just as long as it does. In fact, your hair style doesn't even need to make sense. If you need to shave some areas, feel free. For best results, dye your hair black. One of the standard rules of thumb: the darker the better. Wear all black clothing.

Your face and skin tone should be pale, ghostly and really, really creepy. You can accentuate your facial features by using eyeliner and lipstick. Remember--black! This adds an eerie effect to your already pale complexion.

 

Next, let's work on expressions and attitude.

It is very important to look anguished and filled with despair. Try to get a look of angst happening. If not, pretend someone is forcefully placing a flaming tiki torch into your rectum. This should do the trick. The weight of the world and society is on Goths and you must make your audience believe that you are to blame.

It is very important to remember: NEVER, EVER, EVER SMILE. There is nothing to be happy about. Smiling would be equal to Robert Deniro acting like Daffy Duck. It won't work and would just look [even more] silly.

 

Now, let's accessorize that spookiness!

Anything out of the ordinary will get looks. Go for the gusto! One of the most popular accessories is getting a part of your body pierced by something metal. The most common is the nipple, although many external and internal organs work just as well.

Don't know what you want hanging from your nipple? Get something from around the house. In our example, we used car keys. They look decorative enough, so go with it! As long as it is shiny, it will work.

Don't forget- genitals are great when pierced! I have a tire pressure guage through mine and I couldn't be happier! Internal organs are good too! Be the first in your neighborhood to pierce your spleen or kidney!

 

Practice some basic mannerisms:

It is very important that you look good in subdued light. Get a large candle and go into your bathroom. Light the candle and turn off the lights. Practice looking into the candle and into the mirror. See how the candlelight flickers on your face. Find your best side. Goths love candles. Light a few to get your eyes adapted to the dim light. Plus, it's really spooky!

When you master this, go on to more advanced movements with your hands. Create mysterious shadows on your face. Let your imagination run wild. This comes in handy in social situations. Make slow movements with your hands and close your eyes a lot. If you open your eyes, do something different. Open one at a time. It's creepy and has been told to work very well. Play with your hair and look at the different ways it casts shadows on your face. You'll be surprised at what you can do!

Many Goths wear capes or really long clothing. If you don't have long capes or clothing, practice with items from around the house. If you have black drapes, use those. As you can see in this picture, the drape made a really eerie effect. See how all the elements from the earlier chapters work well together? You'll do fine! Just be patient. You can practice this any time of day!

If you haven't noticed by now, Goths prefer darkness. Starting out with candles is the best way to go. That way, as the candles get darker, you slowly get accustomed to the dark. Don't be afraid of it, though. Darkness is a core element for Goths. Here you can see what is like as a Goth, sitting in the dark. See how the black clothes make sense now? You can't see a Goth when the lights are out. Extra Credit: See if you can see the person sitting in the dark room.

Social situations can be fun!

One of the favorite pasttimes of Goths is dancing. It doesn't matter if it is slow or fast music, the moves are the same. What a deal! You don't have to learn all these fancy-schmancy dances. Just one series of movements at different tempos. Ever watch Kung-Fu? Or Jackie Chan movies? Just imitate the motions you see, but do it very slowly. Here's a little tip: Go to the record store and get anthing by a group called Siouxsie and the Banshees. Hold your hands like in this picture. Now, move them around to the beat of the song. Invent your own moves! Pretend you're a ballerina-this works for men too!

Rate Yourself!

You should feel comfortable by now. All you need to do is just practice the areas you feel you need work. Ask youself these questions:

• Do I feel spooky?
• Would I frighten my friends and family?
• Do I look like The Crow?
• Could I dress like this for Halloween?

If you answered yes to any of these, you are Goth! It's that easy!

BONUS: If you have any small rodents for pets, preferably rats, play with them, talk to them, ask them about philosophy. Rodents are Goth by nature and can understand clearly.

We hope this tutorial has helped you. Now you can hit the world as a Goth. And to think... you learned it all in less than an hour!

Thank you Fred for the photos.