Maybe It's Me Who's The Sick One....

Micky's Last Chew

Claim: Little Mikey of LIFE cereal fame died from the explosive effects of mixing Pop Rocks candy with soda pop.

Status: Maybe True. Remember, Mikey ate ANYTHING, heh.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1994]

A kid ate 6 bags of pop rocks at a party. He then proceeded to drink a 6-pack of Pepsi. The two substances combined in his stomach and exploded, killing him horribly. That's why pop rocks were taken off the market in the early eighties.

Um...Miss, this doesn't look too healthy...

Claim: The mayonnaise oozing from a chicken sandwich turned out to be pus from a tumor in the chicken.

Status: Probably false (I hope).

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1997]

A woman goes into a fast food restaurant and orders a chicken sandwich with no mayo. She bites into it, tastes some kind of sauce, and looking at her sandwich, realizes that it looks kinda like mayonnaise. She takes it back to the counter where they insist that there was no mayo on the sandwich. Eventually, it turns out that the piece of chicken contained a tumor, and when the woman bit into it it exploded, releasing some kind of pus-like substance.

Johnny's Been A Very Bad Boy, Mommy...

Legend: Child takes mother's exaggerated warning to younger sibling literally and acts on it.

Examples:

The most horrible tale I remember concerned "the little boy who wet." Depending on the version, he was two or three years old. Despite scoldings, he resisted toilet training until his exasperated mother warned: "If you don't learn, I'm going to cut if off."
Unfortunately, she was overheard by the boy's older sister. So one day, when the children's mother was away, the boy wet again, and the girl took up a pair of shears and cut it off. He almost bled to death...

. . . there is another harrassed mum with two children -- the small boy and the larger girl. This time, she shouts: 'If you don't go to sleep I'll . . . I'll . . . cut off your willie.' This threat seems to work, so she goes downstairs and relaxes with a suitable glass. Then there is a scream from withup, and she rushes to the foot of the stairs to be greeted with her angelic daughter, brandishing a pair of dressmaking scissors, saying: 'He didn't keep quiet, so I cut it off for you.' To the hospital quickly! Mum grabs him from the cot, wraps him in a blanket and rushes down stairs, shouting to her daughter: 'You'd better come with me so that I can keep an eye on you.' She runs out to the garage, opens the doors and lays her son on the back seat. Then she climbs in, reverses out of the garage, and runs over her daughter.

El Diablo! Ai Ai Ai!

Legend: Horrified onlookers notice that the enthralling stranger dancing with a pretty girl from the village has cloven hooves.

Example:

[de Vos, 1996, as circulated in Danzig in 1875]
It is said that one of the last Sundays [before Lent] a servant woman went to confession and communion. Despite the reprimands of her mother, an honest laundress, who warned her not to desecrate the day by mundane festivities, she couldn't resist the temptation and was going that same night to dance at The Vineyard [a ballroom situated in an inner suburb of Danzig].
The punishment for her impiety came quickly. Around midnight, she saw a handsomely dressed stranger with black hair and eyes that glistened like onyx, coming towards her to ask her for a dance. She took his arm with pleasure as they began to dance with perfect grace, but faster and faster . . .
One of the musicians watched the dancing people carefully, and one can imagine how he felt when he noticed that the stranger had the cloven hoof of Satan! He drew his comrades' attention to it, and in the very middle of the waltz they were playing, they changed the tune and broke into a religous hymn. The clock struck twelve, the devil pulled his partner close to him and in a frantic whirl crossed with her to the other side of the room and crashed through the window. The girl was found lying on the green grass in the garden covered with broken glass. The devil had disappeared.

[Vargas, 1999]
It was Halloween 1975 at the El Camaroncito Nite Club off Old Highway 90 [San Antonio] when a handsome stranger waltzed in and turned all the women's heads.
A brilliant dancer, he had all the moves. Even the shyest girl in the room, says local historian and author Docia Williams, couldn't resist his request for a cumbia.
"But something strange happened when they were dancing," Williams said. "For a moment the enchanted woman broke out of her almost hypnotic trance and she glanced to the floor. 'Your feet! Your feet!' she screamed, and tore herself from the tight embrace of her partner."
Horrified patrons stared at the dance floor and saw long, skinny claws protruding from the stranger's trouser cuffs - chicken feet.
"It's the sign of the devil," Williams said. "Other women began to scream and say prayers."
Suddenly, the stranger disappeared into the men's restroom and left without a trace.
That is, except for a strong smell of sulphur - the devil's scent.Heh.

Um...I Don't Like My Hot Dogs Consumed...

Legend: A coed who uses frozen hot dog to pleasure herself ends up in the emergency room when it breaks off inside her.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1995]

At a party last week this girl gets really drunk and really horny. The guys at the party can't satisfy her and she starts looking for an object to do the trick. Her attention turns to the kitchen where she finds a frozen hot dog. She gets a little too excited and the hot dog breaks in two with one piece remaining inside. She has to be taken to the hospital to have it removed and is quite embarrassed.

Care For Some Tea, Bloody Mary?

Legend: Chanting "Bloody Mary!" thirteen times in front of a candlelit mirror will summon a vengeful spirit.

Examples:

[Collected on Internet, 1995]
If you go into the bathroom and look into the mirror with the lights off and the room completely black, and then say 'Bloody Mary' thirteen times, a woman will appear and scratch your face up/off.

I was told that if you said "Hell Mary" seven times in front of a mirror in a dark room, you would see Satan's image in the mirror. The story was embellished further by the teller, who claimed that after three "Hell Mary", the mirror turned red, and that after five an unclear face appeared.

Here's how I always heard the story. You go into a room with a mirror and turn all the lights off (this works well in a bathroom). You begin, in a whisper, to chant "bloody mary. bloody mary, Bloody Mary", as you continue to chant your voice should grow louder and louder into a near scream. While you are chanting you should be spinning around at a medium rate and taking a glimpse in the mirror at each pass. Near the 13th repetition of the words . . . "she" should appear and...?
A frend of mine said that her roommate tried this and ran out screaming from the bathroom. She was shaking and appeared genuinely terrified and refused to talk about the incident, but those who were around her when she came out noticed that her clenched fingers were covered in blood.

So Long World...

Legend: A suicide attempt involving hanging, shooting, poisoning, and immolation goes wrong.

Example:

The story is that a highly pessimistic individual had determined to take his life, and wanted to make sure that there would be none of the slip-ups he had read about. He decided that hanging would be an efficient means of self-destruction, and selected a tree with a stout branch overhanging a cliff, the sea being fifty feet below. This, he thought, would make a fitting and spectacular finish. In order to prevent any pain in the hanging process he procured for himself a large dose of opium. Although these arrangements seemed fairly complete, he decided that in order to make certain of a successful result it would be a good idea to shoot himself as well. The noose adjusted, the poison taken, and the revolver cocked, he stepped over the cliff, and as he did so fired. The jerk of the rope altered his aim, and the bullet missed his head but cut partly through the rope. This broke with the jerk of the body, and he fell fifty feet into the sea below. There he swallowed a quantity of salt water, vomited the poison, and swam ashore a better and wiser man. What a stupid ass.

Super Dog Saves The Day, Not.

Legend: A woman leaves her choking dog at the vet and later receives a call telling her to get out of the house -- human fingers have been found in the dog's throat!

Examples:

Gagging Dog Story Baffles Police
It happened in Las Vegas. A woman returned from work and found her large dog, a Doberman, lying on the floor gasping for air. Concerned over the animal's welfare, she immediately loaded the pet into her car and drove him to a veterinarian.
The vet examined the dog but finding no reason for his breathing difficulties, announced that he'd have to perform a tracheotomy and insert tubes down the animal's throat so he could breathe. He explained that it wasn't anything she'd want to watch and urged the woman to go home and leave the Doberman there overnight.
When the woman returned home, the phone was ringing off the hook. She answered it, and was surprised to discover it was the vet. Even more surprising was his message -- "Get out of the house immediately! Go to the neighbor's and call the police!"
It seems that when the vet performed the operation, he found a very grisly reason for the dog's breathing difficulty -- three human fingers were lodged in its throat. Concerned that the person belonging to the dismembered fingers might still be in the house, he phoned to warn the woman.
According to the story, police arrived at her house and found an unconscious intruder, sans fingers, lying in a closet.
New Times learned of the story from an employee of a large industrial plant in the Valley. He said he had gotten the story third hand from another employee who in turn had heard it from a woman whose relatives in Las Vegas knew the dog's owner. As of Friday, New Times was not able to nail down the identity of the Doberman's mistress.
According to a spokesman at the Las Vegas Sun, that paper, too, was very interested in breaking the story. Unfortunately, even though the story was all over Vegas last Thursday, the paper -- and police -- weren't able to dig up one shred of evidence to prove the incident ever occurred. "The police are baffled," the Sun spokesman said. Wonder if the fingers tasted good?

Well, I have more tales to tell, but for now, I'm gonna go and try to find some other tales to tell. Heh, hope ya enjoyed these tales of sickness.